How To Talk To Your Toddler About Your Period

When Vivaan was born, we lived in a 3 bedroom apartment in Delhi with attached living quarters for our full-time house help. While it was no easy task raising an infant without family around to help out, I was blessed to have a young girl, the daughter of our house help, who loved to watch him while I did things like take a shower or fix up lunch. When he turned 3 years old, we moved to West Bengal so that my husband could pursue his Masters at IIT Kharagpur. Kharagpur is an extremely small and minimally modernized town, and we were lucky enough to find a 2 bedroom independent house that didn't have four different colored walls and checkered floors, all in the same room! The only drawback - a single bathroom.

Now usually, that wouldn't be a problem for a small family like ours. But with a clingy toddler, and no house help to watch him, I soon realized that I would have to kiss my privacy good-bye! If he wasn't allowed into the bathroom with me, meltdowns of epic proportions would follow.

So, it was no surprise when he finally got curious and asked me about my sanitary pads.

His curiosity was first piqued when he saw me purchase a packet of Stayfree All-night. He was excited to see the moon and stars on the cover (he is obsessed with the solar system!) and didn't pay attention to much else. The next time we were at the store, he again watched me with attentive eyes as I reached for it, and recognizing the stars and moon, he asked me what was inside. Taken by surprise with his question, I distracted his attention to something else in the cart. Back at home, I wondered why I hadn't answered his question - did I think he was too young to understand or was I embarrassed at the prospect of him talking about it in front of others if he knew?

The next time, he broached the subject in the bathroom. 'Mama, why do you wear a diaper like me?" I took a deep breath. I thought about what I wanted...for both of us. I decided I wanted us to be able to talk about things with openness and honesty. I wanted him to know that he could approach me with anything. I also wanted him to be aware and sensitive about the things that women go through. But was it the right time, was he at the right age? I decided he was. I decided the earlier I started to educate him, the more comfortable and understanding he would be. So, I sat him down and explained it.

Luckily, he had taken a keen interest in the human body over the last few weeks and we had been having a lot of conversations about the different organ systems. I decided I didn't want to go into too much detail at this point (he was only 3.5), so I began by telling him that there was a system in our body called the reproductive system. I then showed him a picture of myself when I was pregnant with him, in my ninth month of pregnancy. He immediately recognized it and said, "Mama! That's baby Vivaan in your tummy!". I nodded and explained to him that an organ in the girls' reproductive system prepares each month for the arrival of a baby. A place full of nutrients, ready to take care of and help the baby grow. If a baby does not come, the body gets rid of all the waste in the form of blood, which is expelled from the pee-pee. I then told him that since mama is not making a baby right now, I have to wear a pad, not a diaper, so that my clothes don't get soiled. He thought about this for a couple of minutes, and then nodded and smiled. I finally added that I call this process Aunt Flo - he laughed and asked me why. I giggled and said - "because she visits me every month!" He giggled back and hugged me, "I understand, mama". I breathed a sigh of relief.

This discussion taught me an important lesson about talking to my child. I think I gave him a lot less credit than he deserved! To begin with, he, like most kids, is genuinely curious and learning about new things every day. As a parent, I feel that it is my duty to give him the facts and address his curiosity rather than leave him to learn the wrong information from somewhere else just to avoid a difficult or awkward conversation. Kids today are so much more knowledgeable and receptive than we ever were at that age - partly due to the vast exposure they receive through new and upcoming technology!

Another thing that I realized was - while it has always been important to me to make sure I was raising a thoughtful and empathetic son, a feminist if you will, that even the smallest lessons needed to start early. Give them as much information as you feel they will be able to process and increase that knowledge base over time. I know many parents wait till their kids are of the 'right' age to speak to them about the birds and the bees, their body and its changes, or any other topic that is just challenging to breach, and I make no judgement towards that; every parent usually does what they feel is best for their child. It is just my personal opinion, that the more open and more comfortable we make our kids, especially boys, in speaking to us about things that are difficult, unpleasant, embarrassing, or most importantly made taboo by society, the more accepting and compassionate kids we will raise. The more they know, the better equipped they are to make good choices.

Now every month, when I pull out a packet of pads, Vivaan comes up to me and simply asks,"Mama, is Aunt Flo visiting you?". "Yes", I answer, "can we keep it between us?". "Of course!", he says...and he always keeps his word!

So talk to your kids! Educate them and empower them with the right information... and you might learn something along the way too :)